Matt is a 56 year old man, presenting with “depression issues” since he split up from his wife five years earlier. His daughter, aged 22, lives with him and is an Actress. Matt was an actor but lost his confidence, gave it up and has been working in publishing. He then he took redundancy, meaning to start something on his own but “depression kicked in”. Eileen Murphy takes the session.
Matt explains that he has been advised to have some “talk therapy”.
I ask Matt what he would like to “talk” about?
Matt: Why I’m depressed?
EM: Is that a question Matt? Do you mean you want to know why you’re depressed or you want to talk about why you’re depressed?
Matt: Both I suppose
EM: Ok, tell me as much as you think I need to know Matt and we’ll work our way through, maybe?
Matt: I’ve been very very sad and lost, I don’t eat properly, I take everything to heart, I have no energy to do anything interesting and I don’t sleep well, I’m always fretting about how bad my life is. I don’t know where I would be without my friends – they have been just great to me. Is it normal to feel like this?
EM: Sounds like you have had a bad time of it Matt. Well, I would say when life hits us badly, when we lose people we love, when our plans go belly up, human beings feel sad and miserable – that’s normal in my book – you’ve had a lot to deal with.
Matt: An awful lot. I used to deal with things better but lately I feel lifeless.
EM: How have you dealt with difficulties in the past Matt?
Matt: Before this? Before the depression?
EM: Yes, before this overwhelming time of late.
Matt: Losing my life as an actor was hard but I made the best of it and got a good job with a publishing firm. They liked that I was good at winning authors – I put that down to my acting skills so I still had that in me to use but I couldn’t go on stage again, I knew that much. I hated it when my wife left, but I had a daughter to look after, she needed mending too so I focused myself to looking after her.
EM: That must have been a difficult time for you Matt. Losing everything at once like that. Sometimes we get a break don’t we and get thrown one thing or another in stages because life is often easier to deal with when the knocks come in stages, rather than all at once, isn’t it?
Matt: [SMILING] Did you use that “stage” analogy deliberately?
EM: Sorry?
Matt: Sara who recommended you said you used analogies a lot.
EM: I’m a bit embarrassed now Matt. I didn’t realize the analogy, mostly because I would always hope to do better than that one! I do use analogies a lot, she’s right. Does that mean you’ll be looking out for them all the time now? So I can’t slide an analogy by you when you’re not looking?
[LAUGHTER]
Matt: No I won’t
EM: Y’know, I can’t let this opportunity go now and, since you brought it up – can we do something here? Using an analogy about where your life is right now in terms of “Acts” of a play, say, like Act 1, Act 2 etc and say Act 3 is set when you are coping better, dealing with stuff better, managing and maybe even enjoying small stuff again – what would that look like Matt?
Matt: Ok, I’ll go with it. You’re braver than me! Act 3 would be liking myself and my life and finding a purpose – how’s that?
EM: Perfect! Love this analogy quite frankly! Now, I do want to look at Act 3 during our time together Matt, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t talk about Act 2 – we can spend this whole session on Act 2 if you want but I will always be curious about Act 3 and will want to talk about it at some point, its the way I work. Does that sound acceptable to you or would you like to use this session to stay only on Act 2? I want the session to be useful to you, regardless of anything else.
Matt: Ok, I just thought you would want me to tell you everything.
EM: Well, I’m imagining you talk to your friends about your feelings, a lot?
Matt: Yes, they are very supportive and understanding.
EM: Well, that’s what I’m thinking – talking about the sad times you’ve had, this whole part of your life is something you will have discussed with your friends and you have a great network of people to talk to about these times, yes? So, what I’m suggesting is that we could use this time, these sessions, to not do that, to talk about all the other stuff about you. Talk about how you focused on your daughter after your wife left , how you overcame losing your career, how you built a new career and how you might continue building? So that’s what I meant.
Matt: I didn’t expect that. But ok – this is not what I expected.
EM: But we don’t have to do that – we can go wherever you want Matt. Consider me as the taxi driver waiting for your instruction about the journey we are about to take. Where to?
Matt: [LAUGHTER] No, no, I’m up for it.
EM: So what’s your plan to get a better lifestyle and health-style?
Matt: Erm, none. Erm – yes, none right now.
EM: Can I share some stuff with you about the results on the body and the brain of what we eat? Then on the same for sleep? and then you can tell me what you think. I’m thinking, y’know, whether this information plays any part in your better health-style plan. {EM SHARES RESEARCH AND 2 STUDIES]
Matt: God I recognize myself there. I always think this kind of stuff a bit airy-fairy.
EM: That’s because a lot of it is Matt – but not this, this is proper research by respected authorities on the body and the brain.
Matt: So I don’t have to do a lot?
EM: No, apparently, just eat better and move around more to start with. But anyway, its your plan. How about this: now that you know that a better health-style is needed before much changes about mood or managing skills – I’ll stay quiet while you tell me, if you are able, in very small detail, keep really small now for me Matt – what would your improvement plan look like from tomorrow morning, say?
Matt: Well it said there that I didn’t have to join a Gym, just walk some. So I would walk up and down the stairs a couple of times.
EM: Do you have any health impediments that would prevent you doing so?
Matt: Lazyitis
EM: Ah, I know that well!
Matt: Then eat a breakfast
EM: Ok
Matt: If I was doing it right – it says, fruit and nuts but I don’t fancy that. Porridge.
EM: Sounds good. Shall I jot your plan down on my notepad and you can take it with you.
Matt Nods agreement
EM: Ok. What else would you like to include? Or what else would you like to cover in this session Matt – going back to Act 2 if you need to, remember you can always do that.
Matt: I think I’m going to struggle with the sleep change. I really struggle with sleep.
EM: I understand, its an issue for many people. Is there ever a time when you sleep better? Ever?
Matt: If I get out and about a lot in the day and get a bit of air. But I don’t always have a reason to go out.
EM: Are you saying, that if you use up some energy, you are better able to relax in the evening?
Matt: I know what you’re thinking – that walking stuff sounds like a win-win.
EM: I was.
Matt: Ok, add it to the list then. Just a bit of walking out and about.
EM: I think you have the beginnings of a great plan there Matt. Do you want to accept it? Until I tear it off the notepad, its not yours…..
Matt: Sara told me about that bit too. [LAUGHTER]
EM: Ok, would you observe, if you can please Matt, what is better, marginally, however small, as a result of your actions over the next seven days and I would like to meet up next week to hear what you’ve done, how you’ve done it and what difference it makes in any small way. Would you agree?
Matt: Yes, I accept. I like this. Thanks. I’ll give it a go.
END OF FIRST SESSION
Transcript: AC
26th November 2018
Eileen Murphy’s Notes:
One never knows how a session with a client is going to go – nor should one of course, otherwise Solution Focused working would be “doing to” someone rather than “doing with”. With Matt, as with us all, we can fall into a pattern of behaviour that leads to poor physical and mental health – its not rocket science. The trouble is while everyone else around us can see that we are slipping into bad habits and poor self-care – we continue to wonder why we are not feeling better, not feeling “ourselves” not feeling energetic or stimulated. We do this without once stopping to think whether perhaps there is a connection with how we live our lives, what we eat, what we do (or don’t do) that offer a perfectly obvious reason as to why we are not recovering or feeling as well as we might, but that is exactly what we are all capable of: doing unhealthy stuff and being shocked when we get unhealthy – physically or mentally.
Matt’s feeling of loss is perfectly human, then his inactivity and lack of purpose compounds it, then his inactivity further compounds his demeanor and health and round and round the circle goes.
It was clear that Matt had a wide and supportive friendship group, who no doubt offer him solace and a good, friendship ear. I decided that Matt might like to use the session differently to look at his strengths and his preferred future only once I had heard that he had lots of experience and opportunities to off-load and take comfort from expressing his feelings elsewhere.
I am looking forward to seeing how Matt’s Plan works out for him in our next session on Monday 5th December.
